We’re not relationship experts. Certainly not. But we raised four daughters and we’ve talked to a lot of college-aged women about relationships over the years. Here’s a list of 25 questions we sometimes share with Christian young women who are evaluating the possibility of a relationship with a Christian man who has shown some interest.

  1. Is he a committed Christian? (If not, don’t bother with questions 2-25. Just walk away.)

  2. Are the two of you friends already? (Not yet? Perhaps you should think about ways to get to know each other without romantically dating…)

  3. Do you respect him?

  4. Does he tend to speak well of others when he’s not with them?

  5. Does he willingly submit to people in authority over him? (employers, teachers, parents, church leaders)

  6. Does he play a lot of video games? More than you are comfortable with? How much time does he spend online?

  7. Have you ever seen him angry? Is this something you have noticed frequently?

  8. Do you look forward to hanging out with him in regular, non-romantic situations?

  9. Does he make you nervous? Are you able to be yourself with him?

  10. Is he inappropriately affectionate to girls in general?

  11. Is he pushy? Is he patient?

  12. Does he treat service people with respect? (servers in restaurants, cashiers, etc.)

  13. Does he demonstrate leadership in any area of life? Does he appear passive?

  14. Does he maintain healthy relationships with other guys?

  15. Do you know anything about his family, upbringing, and background? Does anything that you know about his background concern you?

  16. What does he think of money? Does he over-spend? Does he show evidence of entitlement regarding money and material things? Is he humble about money?

  17. Is he involved in a Bible-believing church? …not just attending, but actually a part of that church?

  18. Do you know whether he has life goals and dreams?

  19. How do you anticipate he would relate to your father? …to your mother? …to your siblings?

  20. Does he interact well with people in various age groups? In particular, how well does he interact with children and older adults?

  21. Is he polite to you as a female—does he show appropriate sensitivity that you are a woman?

  22. Is he overly sarcastic? Does he joke about inappropriate topics?

  23. As far as you know, is he hard-working?

  24. Can you imagine yourself publicly affiliated with him? Would you be proud to be with him in public? …your various friend groups?

  25. Does he have a good reputation with both Christians and non-Christians?

Hopefully, you’ll find these 25 questions helpful if or when a Christian(!) man shows interest in you.


Trudi and I wrote this blog post together.

After posting this, dozens of people have asked whether we have a corresponding list for men. We don’t. We are parents of (now adult) daughters, and kept adjusting our list over many years. Many (not all) of these questions, though, go both directions.

This post and other resources are available at Kindle Afresh: The Blog and Website of Kenneth Berding.