Sometimes I have to stop when I’m reading my Bible—and laugh. Let’s admit it; some passages are just plain funny. Here are some that my daughter Lydia and I collected together:
1. David killed Goliath twice?
“And David put his hand into his bag and took from it a stone and slung it, and struck the Philistine on his forehead. And the stone sank into his forehead, so that he fell on his face to the ground. Thus David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone, and he struck the Philistine and killed him; but there was no sword in David's hand. Then David ran and stood over the Philistine and took his sword and drew it out of its sheath and killed him” (1Samuel 17:49-51)
2. Zechariah was mute, not deaf; so why are they making signs at him?
“And it happened that on the eighth day they came to circumcise the child, and they were going to call him Zacharias, after his father. But his mother answered and said, ‘No indeed; but he shall be called John.’ And they said to her, ‘There is no one among your relatives who is called by that name.’ And they made signs to his father, as to what he wanted him called.”(Luke 1:59-62)
3. Oops, I forgot about Stephanas …
“I thank God that I baptized none of you except Crispus and Gaius, so that no one would say you were baptized in my name. Now I did baptize also the household of Stephanas; beyond that, I do not know whether I baptized any other.” (1 Corinthians 1:14-16)
4. An uplifting word from James:
“Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.” (James 4:9)
5. Thanks for repeating it …
“Now Joshua was old and advanced in years when the LORD said to him, ‘You are old and advanced in years’” (Joshua 13:1)
6. Seriously? Pomegranates and bells on the hem of my robe?
“You shall make on its hem pomegranates of blue and purple and scarlet material, all around on its hem, and bells of gold between them all around: a golden bell and a pomegranate, a golden bell and a pomegranate, all around on the hem of the robe.” (Exodus 28:33-34)
“Men prepare a meal for enjoyment, and wine makes life merry, and money is the answer to everything.” (Ecclesiastes 10:19)
8. And who decided on these names?
“Now it came about after these things, that it was told Abraham, saying, ‘Behold, Milcah also has borne children to your brother Nahor: Uz his firstborn and Buz his brother” (Genesis 22:20-21)
9. The commander of the army was Pickle? Or was it Fickle?
“… and Abimelech and Phicol, the commander of his army, arose and returned to the land of the Philistines.” (Genesis 21:32)
“Then the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah up onto the dry land.” (Jonah 2:10)
11. A little slow on the uptake, maybe?
“He [Jesus] said to her, ‘Go, call your husband and come here.’ The woman answered and said, ‘I have no husband.’ Jesus said to her, ‘You have correctly said, “I have no husband”; for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; this you have said truly.’ The woman said to Him, ‘Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet.’ (John 4:16-19)
12. The sermon was too long.
“And there was a young man named Eutychus sitting on the window sill, sinking into a deep sleep; and as Paul kept on talking, he was overcome by sleep and fell down from the third floor and was picked up dead. But Paul went down and fell upon him, and after embracing him, he said, ‘Do not be troubled, for his life is in him.’” (Acts 20:9-10)
13. He confessed twice?
“And he confessed and did not deny, but confessed …” (John 1:20)
14. Aaron’s lame excuse for where the golden calf came from.
“I said to them, ‘Whoever has any gold, let them tear it off.’ So they gave it to me, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf.” (Exodus 32:24)
What other passages have caused you to laugh? We’d love to hear from you. (But please don’t write anything inappropriate …)