In the midst of walking along the valleys of life, our attention is immediately brought to a sense of wonder as to why we must feel so broken. It can be difficult to recognize the beauty when looking at our brokenness, especially when the cause(s) to your brokenness has inflicted so much pain. Insecurities rise, so you’re likely to look at yourself and point out every characteristic that makes you want to turn your head away, or even attempt to become someone you’re not--someone that God did not intend for you to be. Brokenness can even lead you to focus on changing your habits and the way you look only to mirror the image and character of that one friend who seems to have it together more than you do. Ultimately, our brokenness can leave us feeling restless because of the tendency to look at the past and even the future to figure out how to become a better or “best” version of ourselves. We then develop a pursuit for a better character and other sources to gain the healing we long for, but the pain continues to linger because we are chasing down everything other than Christ.
Deep deep down it is pretty prevalent that we all yearn to be loved. Whether it be love from yourself, your family, peers, we are always on the move to shape ourselves into who we believe deserves to be loved. In my season with the Lord, I admit that I painted this picture of myself that became the best definition of a “perfect woman of God” or a “perfect woman after God’s own heart.” One who grew all the sweetest fruits such as patience and kindness. One who displayed so much boldness and confidence that brought light to every room. But this picture wasn’t illustrated by God. This picture didn’t align with what God had in mind when He created me. Instead, I created the best image of me that completely disregarded the woman God created for the present.
One of my best friends introduced a song to me called “Chasing” by Danny Gokey and featured Jordin Sparks. The chorus goes like this:
“I've been chasing dreams
Like wind chasing the falling leaves
I've been chasing things
But all this time Lord
You've been chasing me”
I highly recommend you take time to listen to each and every lyric of this song because you may hear God singing over you and saying, “I want you, I want you.” Take a break from everything you are running toward right now and let yourself listen to God yearning for you. You may not recognize it because you’re blinded by what you see as a factor of unworthiness, or by the devil trying to convince you that only you can achieve everything by your own strength. God also not only wants our attention, He wants ALL that you are and chases all that you are. He wants your weaknesses, flaws, and is pursuing you, along with every characteristic that you perceive as ugly and messy. Even when you point out the aspects of your inner and outer image that diminishes how you view your worth, He looks at you through the inside and out and still sees you as beautiful and worthy.
I know it is so easy to think and believe that you are not worthy to be loved because you did not get the one thing you hoped for. Perhaps that one relationship didn’t work out because God is leading you to His best for you. Maybe you didn’t get the job or internship you have been praying about for months because He is making way for a job that is more beneficial for you. No matter what you didn’t gain, you are still being chased down and led by love. I understand how easy it is to let one loss define your worth. The worries about the shape of your face, the size of your waist, the ways in which you socialize with others, the acne on your face, and many many others factors about yourself are considered to be REASONS for God to love you more. It is okay if you are not as bold and confident as much as that one other Christian girl is. It is okay if you don’t have your life figured out as much as that other friend does. It is okay because you are still held with so much love and God is very much captivated by your beauty, even when you fail to see it yourself. That’s when grace rushes in. Grace is intertwined in the moments when God constantly brings you to the end of yourself so that you can look to Him and realize that He still has not given up on you.
I hope and pray that the truth about your worthiness and love by the Lord may abide in you. Whether you are in a season of singleness, waiting, pain, etc., rest in the truth that He just wants you. When things don’t go as you had hoped, no matter how long you have pursued after it all, God is still longing for you. I don’t know what it is you have been pursuing lately, but God is chasing you in the midst of your chase for other desires. He is doing every possible thing for you to run to Him, and for Him to gain your attention. God just simply wants all that you are, even when you think that you are too messy to be loved by a King. You don’t have to have it all figured out when you come to Him. He will take delight in every moment you call upon His name because He is deeply in love with you. His love will intervene in ways that seem like you are unworthy to be loved, when really, life is the way it is because through it all, He is chasing you and loving you.
About the Author: Hi hello! I’m Kaylee Galvez and I’m an upcoming Biola transfer student for
the Fall 2019 semester (class of 2022). I’m an Elementary Education major with a concentration in Human Development. My passions center around writing and all things Disney.