Sam's Journal « First-Year Student Journals

Obscure Future

December 1, 2005 | 0 comments

This whole semester has been a challenge - both crazy and stressful. However, it has also been a time to grow educationally and personally. In my last journal I wrote about missing home and how my time at Biola has helped me realize how I take my family for granted. I did not let that happen when I went home for Thanksgiving this year. Rather, I took the opportunity to spend some good time with my family and friends.

However, although being home was really great, getting home is what stands out in my mind as I look back over my Thanksgiving break. A friend from my home church Oscar picked me up. He attends Life Pacific College. As we made our way home, we started small talk about the differences of the colleges we attend and then later started to talk about the future what is to become of us after college.

This semester I have been having doubts on so many things - my convictions, personal calling, intentions, and what God has in store for me. The elders and leaders in my home church had once prayed for both Oscar and me and had told us that God had called us for the ministry. We were to be pastors. We are now pursuing this call, although we have taken different routes to get there. Oscar is going straight for it but I have decided to get a Bachelor of Science in Business first and then go on for my Masters in Divinity. Yet I often find myself doubting this path.

So much of the time, I find myself wondering why me, but I have to believe that God has called me to this. I told Oscar about how I often worry about whether or not I will ever be the man God has called me to be. I worry about how my spiritual life now can ever develop into the spiritual life of a leader. Oscar admitted he often asked those same questions.

We went on to talk about sticking to our convictions when facing others even Christians whose convictions are different from our own. We discussed how we respond to the unfamiliar expressions of worship and prayer we had experienced since we have come to Southern California. But somehow by the end of our talk, we discovered this hope: We are nowhere close to where God wants us to be. This might sound depressing, it was encouraging to us. It means that Gods plans for us are not near being finished.

Jesuss disciples were looking like total failures when they were first recruited by Jesus. In the end, they became some of the most valiant men to ever live. They were martyrs living for truth who did not worry about what would happen to their bodies for they knew they did not belong here. Their home was in heaven. I find hope in hanging on to this truth during this time in my life. God will not leave me stranded. No matter how low or high I feel, I can be confident that God does not start anything He will not finish.