Biola University First Year Student Journals

Struggling

November 9, 2005 | 4 comments

My grandmother has lived with my family for as long as I can remember. She took care of my brother and me when we were kids. On the outside she seemed to be the typical all-American grandmother, but there was a darker side to her. She practiced spirit communication and was involved with a cultic organization that blended Christian teachings with new age thought. At times, she tended to be a very angry and vengeful woman. Living with her drove our family apart in many ways. Her view of God was a far cry from orthodoxy.

Now she's in the hospital closer to death than she's ever been before. A few weeks ago she fell and broke her hip and she was put through immediate surgery. She's about ninety years old and the surgery was pretty hard on her. Right now she's struggling through rehab. She has suffered a lot from the pain and according to my family she has some type of mental confusion that began when she went to the hospital.

At times she doesn't recognize my family while at other times she's angry and violent towards everyone around her. My family didn't tell me about it at first because they didn't want me to drop my schoolwork and drive home. The semester is almost over and there's not much time for me to keep up with all the work that's due. I'm trying to stay focused and not get distracted by the situation, but it's hard with this looming over my family. Not only do I fear that my grandmother will not live much longer, but I fear even more where she'll go to spend eternity. And even though she and I have been far apart for much of our lives, she's still my grandmother. I love her and seeing her suffer like this is heart wrenching. I hate what's happening to her.

My mother and my aunt are taking care of her as best they can while still working jobs about two hours away from where she lives. In all of it I've wished that I could do something more than I am able to do. I feel helpless in so many ways. But I am thankful that so far, even through all of this, I have been able to stay focused and concentrate on my work.

As time progresses, the amount and intensity of my workload seems to increase. Staying caught up in all of my classes is very important to me. I transferred to Biola earning an academic scholarship that I now have to work hard to keep. I'm struggling to keep a good grade in my linear algebra math class. It's a hard class where we are introduced to abstract proofs and where we have to think in ways I've never had to in math before. If I don't get at least a B in the class I could be in trouble keeping my scholarship.

My other classes are going pretty well, however. I have some really amazing professors this semester who do an awesome job integrating what we learn in class with our Christian lives. Dr. Rhee, for example, who is my Koine Greek teacher, is a passionate man who pushes us hard to learn the language in order to better understand God's revealed word. He's a real blessing. My other classes are also going well and I feel confident that I will be able to keep up my grades in my classes as long as I stay focused.

With my grandmother in her situation it's certainly not easy. I haven't even seen her since everything happened. She and I haven't had the best past and I don't know what to expect when I go see her. I honestly don't know what to do in this situation. I am planning on going up and seeing her next week when I finish my papers and projects and get caught up in my classes. Hopefully our meeting will go well. I pray that she will turn her life over to Christ as Lord and Savior before it's too late.

Journal Entries

• Starting Over
• Struggling
• A Much Needed Break
• Happy Birthday
• Happy Birthday...Again
• My Second Semester
• Christian/Mormon Dialogue
• Spring Break

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