Amy's Journal « First-Year Student Journals

California, Here I Come

September 1, 2005 | 5 comments

...Nothing's gonna stop me now. California here we come, right back where we started from...

As the familiar words of Phantom Planet ran through my head as I boarded the plane for the Santa Ana airport, a mixture of excitement and anxiousness flooded my veins. This is actually happening.

The thought of going off to college always seemed like a distant memory to me. I had been earnestly waiting to attend Biola University since I was a freshman in high school, but now that I was at the airport, the feeling that I wasn't ready kept creeping into my mind. What if I was supposed to accomplish more before I left? Am I spiritually prepared to get the most out of this experience? Is this really the right place for me?

I pushed those thoughts away as soon as they entered my mind. I had been given numerous signs from the Lord that this was where He wanted me to be. Even at the lowest points in my Christian walk, the desire to attend Biola had never diminished. Throughout the entire application and interview process, I had never even considered another college, and when I had finally been accepted in December, it was confirmed that this was where I was supposed to spend my next four years.

As I said my last tearful goodbyes and boarded the airplane, my thoughts focused on where I was going and not where I had been. I closed my eyes for the first time all day, and as I drifted off to sleep, my thoughts turned to expectations of Biola. These expectations are what fueled my excitement about college - the perfect college life. In my mind, my roommates and I would get along perfectly, I would keep in touch with all my friends from back home, and I would make friends easily and have something fun to do every night.

Welcome to the Santa Ana airport, we hope you enjoy your stay in the California area...

Arriving at Biola was just as chaotic as I thought it would be. As I entered Hope Hall, I was immediately greeted by ten different Resident Assistants and shown to my room. Within the next couple of hours, I met both my roommates, completed my paperwork, and was officially ready to start school! Then came the most hectic days at Biola I've had so far - SOS week. I met so many people that after a while, I felt like I was meeting the same people four or five times! As the school year started that next Wednesday, I was also in total shock to find that teachers started off their classes by praying. It was a nice change from the public school environment I was used to.

Many of my initial expectations of college life didn't turn out how I thought they would, however. The first couple weeks of school were some of the loneliest times I ever had. I had never experienced sitting and eating alone by myself before at home. I love being around people and not having my friends and family around was one the toughest part of moving here.

But this experience has taught me a few things. I have learned to leave the door open to my room when I am studying or just hanging out. Strangely enough, it works! People always want to come in and see the different pictures I have of my friends, or come to see if I want to eat a meal with them. This has been a turning point in my struggle with loneliness. I have also learned that I can't place my expectations on God. Having had these expectations only affirms that I didn't have confidence in the plans of the Lord for my college experience. I am now only seeing a part of the picture God is putting together in my life. These days, whenever I feel myself worrying about a situation, I am constantly reminded of Jeremiah 29:11- "'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" Amen to that!