Raising Pastors' Kids
Pastors' kids run in the Warren family. “Having been pastors' kids ourselves, my wife, Kay, and I were aware of the unique pressures, and we decided we weren't going to let it happen to our kids,” Rick Warren told Biola Connections. Here, he shares some of the things that worked for their kids, Amy, Joshua and Matthew.
How has your fame affected your kids?
During the early years of our church and family, I was known in the Orange County area, but I intentionally stayed out of the larger limelight. I decided to never broadcast our services on TV or the radio because I didn’t want to be a celebrity. Now my kids are old enough to handle the notoriety that The Purpose-Driven Life has brought.
How did you protect your kids from
feeling the pressure to be perfect?
From the start, Kay and I were open about our own faults. And we refused to allow people to expect perfection from either us or our kids. We were very up-front about how we wanted our kids to be and do whatever God had shaped them for. I’ve never had the expectation that my kids would follow my path in ministry. Much of the pressure pastors’ kids feel is self-perpetuating. They choose to internalize the expectations of others. This is a mistake parents can help their kids avoid. As a prominent parent, my kids have watched me deal with a lot of praise and criticism. I’ve tried to ignore both and just focus on running the race. So when I’d tell my kids, “Don’t let what people say get to you,” they had my example to follow.
As a busy pastor, how did you facilitate family time?
Since we began our family 25 years ago, we have kept every Monday night sacred as our Family Night. Each week, a different family member gets to choose what we do. Another boundary I set up is my requirement that all Saddleback staff members must stay at home four nights a week or else they’re in trouble with me.
As a Bible teacher, how did you keep
the Bible fresh for your kids?
You must remember that your role is a parent, not a pastor or professional theologian. You must make learning the Bible fun. When my kids were little, we’d write songs using Bible verses, in order to memorize them. I’d sit at the piano — I’m a terrible piano player — and we would bang out songs. Also, when my boys were little, they’d have tag-team wrestling matches with me. Like WWF, my title was “Pastor of the Universe,” and they were the “Powerful PKs.” If I pinned them, they would have to quote a Bible verse, and if they pinned me, they got to take “an offering”.
Your kids never rebelled. How did you manage that?
The Bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go.” What that literally means is in his natural shape. Each of our kids is totally unique, so Kay and I do not treat them the same. Each of them responded to different methods of discipline and encouragement. Our Heavenly Father is the model for this. Second, we taught them God’s purposes for their lives from an early age. When you can feel God’s love, and you know your life has a purpose, the problems that cause many kids to rebel become less significant. Third, we majored on the major issues and didn’t sweat the small stuff. Some Christian parents have read so many parenting books they become hyper about every little stage and incident in their kids’ lives. They need to relax. I have seen that it is possible to make kids too much the center of your life. Kids need to understand that, in a family, God is the center, not any individual, and our security comes from keeping him at the center.
© Biola University 2005