Summer 2004 « Biola Magazine « Biola University

Living in a Fishbowl

Biola Connections asked Dr. Dobson how he parented his own children, Danae and Ryan, in the public eye.

How did you handle the pressure of raising kids in a fish bowl?

Raising children as highly visible parents is never easy. It is especially difficult for those of us who advise others about child rearing and family life. One reason is that people who watch from the sidelines can be very critical when problems occur. This intolerance is not fair, of course, because all human beings encounter stresses when growing up, especially in this day when the culture imposes itself on family life. Given that circumstance, we feel we coped with life in the fish bowl rather well. We protected our kids from the limelight as much as possible and then we prayed a lot.

Your ministry must have kept you very busy when your children were growing up. How did you make time for your family?

We were very busy, but we took steps to keep first things first. I left USC School of Medicine in 1977 and began a radio program primarily to allow me to be at home more. We bought a ski condo in Mammoth in 1979 and went there together every chance we got. We also traveled with our kids often. Family has always been my first priority, although there were times when the pressures of my work overwhelmed that desire.

Did you ever have trouble following your own parenting advice?

Of course I did. We could no more be perfect parents than we could perfect human beings. When moms and dads realize they have made a mistake, they simply ask for forgiveness and start over.

What was one of the funniest moments raising Ryan?

In keeping with your concern about “life in the fish bowl” for those of us in the spotlight, I will honor Ryan’s request that I not answer this question.

What was one of the most challenging things about raising Ryan?

Adolescence is a challenge for every parent - and every teenager. It is tough to shepherd immature young people past the land mines and the predators that inhabit that volatile age. We were no exceptions, but God was faithful and we are incredibly proud of Danae and Ryan today.

How did you prepare your children to deal with the fame that surrounds you?

I’m not sure we did it very well. We were living through that “fish bowl” experience for the first time, just as our kids were. We were all learning how to cope with it. Actually, the difficulty for them was manageable when they were young. They were most uncomfortable after leaving for college, where the full measure of our visibility became intrusive. That’s when I began to be recognized everywhere I went, and our kids were scrutinized more closely too. That takes some getting used to, especially for those who never sought notoriety.

Have you ever wondered if you shouldn’t be in this ministry because it endangers your family?

Never for a moment. God has called me to do this job; I had no choice but to obey Him, and it has been an honor to carry the banner. I find no examples in Scripture where we are instructed to cower in fear or try to protect our little world. Paul, Barnabas, Peter, Esther, David, and Gideon all risked their lives to do the will of the Lord. He expects the same of His followers.

What was one of the most important lessons Ryan taught you while raising him?

Because of Danae and Ryan, I had the unbelievable privilege of experiencing fatherhood. Without them, I would have never known the richness of this responsibility. Helping to rear these two children has been the highlight of my life.

If you had to raise Ryan all over again, would you do anything differently?

I’m not sure I could improve on what I did. I was far from perfect as a dad, but having another shot at it would not smooth out all the bumps in the road. I’ll let my record stand as it is written in the Book.